Limbo

My mind is now trying to search for where the problem may have come from. Still can't fathom it. I still can't hate this lady but contempt is starting to creep in. There was no gradual slide here just a huge push off a cliff.
Ok enough,
Decided to put myself back "out" there. May seem a bit early but my feeling is there is no rush but I a'int getting any younger. Lets occupy my time with this "project". It can be quite fun.

I've also made the decision to name all posts after Kristin songs, ok the first two were not but the third was a K song. This blogs title is also a KH song so a sub theme I think. The title of this post one of my fave TM albums/tracks.

Calm down, come down.

......A reply, brief  and too the point. "You will find someone who deserves you" etc.
Keep trying to put my mindset to the fact I have full freedom in my life again. After six years of always thinking and planning for two.

I have Iceland fully booked now flights and hotel not too bad price wise but it's when I get there the real money comes out the wallet. I've started trying to be my old geeky self, not hard it never left me. I've made my holiday list, been doing some retail therapy, yep guys do that too, geeky ones anyway. 

I still get good days and bad days, wondered whether to get back out there and show my face. Fact is I'm not getting any younger. So maybe. 

What I do need to do is move memories get rid of even the simple things. I need to be brutal. 

First step

...... Where to indeed. Firstly find a holiday I need to have a break and get away. Whale watching in Iceland is something I've always wanted to do. I've been to Iceland before but it was 20 years ago. I'm already £500 out of pocket from the hol I had booked, but f**k it. It's more important for my state of mind. So I pick Iceland the most expensive place on earth :/ . 

I've written a letter and a card just to get my thoughts across, I await the reply.

Scream if you want to go faster

So here's the thing. You get married too young, it fails you spend the next 20 years being a bit wild. Drinking too much travelling too much ( that was the fun bit) you put on too much weight. Then sometime in your mid 40s you see yourself in a pub mirror. What you see is not nice, you decide to change your life. Lose weight get healthier get a direction.  You surprise yourself with your adaptation and the results are really positive. You embark on a new chapter following underground music round the country (even halfway round the world). You embrace the riot girl/ lesbian movement and create many good friends during this period. Among these good friends is a lovely gay lady who you meet, the fact is you fall in love with her. She of course does not know this. After many years of being without a partner you again try to rectify this. You feel you have a soul and a heart to offer to someone, the time is right. Only quick fix on this is an Internet dating site, so you sign up. After a couple of messages here and there I get a message from a lady. "If you fancy giving it a try message me". Some reason this person was interesting. I mailed we started talking, we met, we fell in love.
After a few years of "will you marry me" on Feb 29, 2012 I said yes.
Last Sunday Aug 4th 2013  9.55am I got dumped!!!!!
It's not you it's me, I've been soul searching, I've changed.
Where to from here........
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